Elisa, the Rock Doc

I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I’m in a weird place right now. I applied for a job that seemed absolutely tailor-made for me, and I didn’t get it. As much as I tried to assure myself that the outcome didn’t matter, that I wouldn’t have actually lost anything, it still stung like hell. Not necessarily because of the job, but because of the people and brand I’d be doing it *for.* I like ‘em. A lot. And I’m still personally invested in their success, and I’m happy to help them in whatever capacity they’d like me. I’d just…prefer if it were full-time, is all.

As much as I tell myself that I didn’t actually lose anything, there’s still something missing.  The anticipation I felt between 11-8 PM EST, and the hope that remained after each subsequent day of hearing nothing, for the last 3 weeks or so—that’s gone, and I’m having a hard time trying to fill that space. 

Tonight, I’m going back to my roots, in more ways than one. Crimson is performing an acoustic set. Just the two of us, Evan and I, a guitar and a voice, as we’d started almost—shit—ten years ago. I’m a bit terrified, to be honest. I don’t have a gallon of distortion, loud drums, and the power that comes from having to scream to be heard above all of it to hide behind. I’m going right back to how the songs started, with all of their vulnerabilities and dynamic moods intact. 

It feels like I’m going back to some raw primordial essence. Hitting the reset button and starting over after being in this weird anticipatory haze. What I need to remember is that, what I’m claiming to go “back” to, is something I’ve been all along. Lead singer of Crimson, third-year Ph.D. student, Frag Doll Cadette, Robert Loggia Cat’s personal assistant, kick-ass wife. Hmm. That job description doesn’t sound half-bad.

Anonymous asked: You're so accomplished! I am graduating with my Associate's in Elementary/Special Ed. However, I am not sure if that is where my passion lies. I would really love to work in the gaming industry (maybe I'll get lucky and be a FDC someday). Do you have any tips for choosing a career?

Congratulations!!! That’s great! 

In general, I’d sit and write out the possibilities that appeal to you. Don’t edit yourself, don’t prevent yourself from writing things down because they seem “silly.” If you think you’d love to work in the gaming industry, think of the kinds of jobs that would appeal to you. No matter what the industry, use social media to follow people who seem to exemplify the kinds of jobs you’d like to do. It’s also okay not to know. I’d recommend using your AA to transfer into a 4-year institution, and don’t throw away your electives! Use electives to try out subjects that interest you, and see if they point the way to discovering your passion. That’s how I discovered women’s studies!

I highly recommend trying out to be an FDC. They definitely help in the way of networking, once you do know what you’d like to do.

Think about why you got into Elementary/Special Ed in the first place. It’s also possible to bridge one passion with another (like I’m bridging music, video games, and gender studies for my Ph.D.)—-developing a curriculum which might use video games to help those with special needs could be a way. 

There’s no one answer to this whole thing, and these are just the things that ended up working for me. I hope this helps!

Being on the verge of my 10,000th tweet was cause for a little introspection, a little looking back, and a smidge of looking at what’s ahead.

I tried skimming through my timeline (there was no way I had the patience to read all 10,000), and I was pleased that so many of my tweets were to people that were once Twitter handles, then names, then voices, then hugs. I’m grateful for the opportunities the Frag Doll Cadette program, in particular, gave me to meet so many amazing people and forge so many friendships over the last two years.

Because of Twitter, many if not most of Crimson’s Facebook likes, YouTube views, and track sales have been from people not able to see us live. When not being able to get a venue to house us in Miami started getting me down, knowing I had people “out there” that wanted to hear more lifted my spirits again and drove me to persevere. My 10,000th tweet was an invitation to a sister band to come out to Saturday’s show. Fitting!

Because of Twitter, I have been able to maintain contacts with those I met at academic conferences. Being able to see their work, share mine, and produce 140-character theory together is a constant renewal of faith in my dissertation research.

…

This week, my life is going to change. I know it. I just don’t know *how*.
Not knowing has terrified and excited me. I actively search for and cling tightly to any piece of news that could put the puzzle together. I’m working on developing a sense of comfort in the unknown. Regardless of the *how,* knowing that the next phase of my life is just over the horizon—-and that it is beautiful—needs to be enough.

To conclude, it would be more than appropriate to acknowledge, in this ode to Twitter, the actual Tweet that inspired me to write this:

“Wipe the slate clean, embrace life and start a new adventure. Today.” -@greatwallofchin

“Where do you want to be/see yourself in five years?”

I’ve had to answer this question recently, and I’ve been mulling it over ever since. Here would be my ideal day, five years from now:

After a night performing with my band (Evan by my side, slinging his axe), I wake up and brush the hairspray out of my hair. I take off most of last night’s make up and put on my glasses, button-down shirt, and slacks, ready to head to the nearest university to teach my Gender in Popular Culture course. Class is over, and I head to my office. The nameplate by the door reads “Dr. Elisa Meléndez, Visiting Professor.” I answer student questions and prep next week’s lecture for about an hour, after which I head to my next place of employment at [video game company]. I work as a marketing and development consultant that gives companies ideas on how to reach more diverse audiences, introduce more diverse characters and relationships, and make marketing and promotions campaigns more socioculturally sensitive.

There might be something in there about an ultrasound appointment or a baby shower or whatever. Who knows.

“How did you come up with your band name?”

The band had actually been together a couple of years, but we had performed under my name. I was a solo artist, Elisa Meléndez, with a backing band. It caused a number of issues. Anonymous trolls on my blog yelled at me about being an egomaniacal diva. My name kept getting butchered at every turn, either misspelled on flyers (if it even fit in the first place), or consistently mispronounced by promoters. People were confused, expecting me to be a single singer-songwriter and instead getting assaulted by this hard rock band. 

One day, I decided that a band name might just make things easier for all of us, and it would be more reflective of the fact that the rest of the guys had a stake in the songwriting and weren’t just hired guns. At that point, my half-red hair was becoming my signature, so we decided to start with synonyms for red. Vermillion. Sanguine. Blood [something]. Too metal. Maybe Crimson [something]. How about just Crimson? … That’ll work!

We’ve been Crimson ever since.

“So, why the red hair in the first place?”

I’m not entirely sure why, but I wanted to change up my dark brown hair in my early undergrad years. I thought red and deep blue might be the colors that would best complement my skin tone, and I put it up to the internet to help me pick. I know, I know. Red was a favorite, and I thought it matched well with the “fire song” persona I had been working on. The first time I dyed my hair at a salon, it was awful. They didn’t know how to do unnatural colors, and my hair ended up as a gross ombre from pink to some weird brown at the roots.

I dyed it back to black, but left a streak in the front that I could dye as I pleased. At that time, I started working at Ulta, a make-up store and salon, where the employees got a 50% salon discount. I met a girl experienced in unnatural colors, and we often pushed the boundaries of my red. The streak became a chunk, the chunk became a face-framing layer, and so on, until I reached the color saturation you see today!

I wouldn’t change it for the world now. It’s my calling card!

“so in Doctor Who, the new series 

He never needs to sleep

but his human companions do, and they need to eat, and go to the bathroom 

where do they do those things on the Tardis?

and what happens during their menstrual cycles? Are they normal? Does space travel fuck them up?”

I’m…not sure where to even start, so here’s a picture of a goat riding a tortoise.